Why We Don’t Know Our Neighbors and How We Can

When you watch old movies or TV shows, people often greet their next door neighbors with a smile and a delicious pie or a batch of freshly baked cookies. Nowadays, the only time you see your neighbor is when you accidentally make eye contact with them as you look up from your smartphone.

Read: Problems with Neighbors? Here’s How to Deal.

In fact, if someone came to my door with a baked treat, I might actually be creeped out—nobody does that anymore! The only time my friendly neighbor speaks to me is when she’s yelling at me for being too loud. Check out these factors that are preventing us from making friendly connections with our next-door neighbors, and how we can change them:

Why Don’t We Know Our Neighbors?

Even though your neighbor literally lives 10 feet from you, I’m guessing you don’t know the first thing about them. And guess what? The same goes for your neighbor. Here’s why:

Technology: With smartphones and all they have to offer—like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, Tinder, Vine, etc.—it’s no wonder people never look up from their phones (and yes, I’m guilty of this at times).

Sure, your phone is interesting, but take a few seconds to breathe in the world around you. Your neighbor might actually be a better romantic match for you than the creep you’re messaging on Tinder. Put your phone down and start a conversation. Your neighbor might be delightful!

Fast-Paced Lives: Life these days is anything but slow. Who has time to bake a pie, then walk it over to the neighbor’s place and chat it up for 25 minutes? Not me. First of all, if I make a pie, you can be sure that it will end up in my mouth, not somebody else​’s. Secondly, in between work, hobbies, chores and a social calendar, I have little time to head next door.

Hesitance: Based on the amount of scary movies I’ve seen, I’ve pretty much ruled out going over to my neighbor’s house alone and knocking on the door. Unfortunately, we’ve been hardwired to not trust anyone around us. After all, we’re all taught from a young age to stay away from strangers, even if they have candy.

Part of the hesitation also has to do with shyness. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a shy person when it comes to meeting new people. Us introverts aren’t likely to knock on our neighbor’s door when we don’t know who they are. I’m not about to have a painfully awkward conversation with someone that I then have to see for the remainder of my apartment lease. No thanks.

Read: Dating Your Neighbor: Pros and Cons

Strategies for Meeting Our Neighbors

So how are we supposed to overcome these issues and get to know our neighbors without looking like a weirdo? Well, it’s not as difficult as I’m making it seem. There are a few ways to break the ice with those that live next door, and potentially make some new friends. You never know who you could be living next to—that person could introduce you to your future husband or wife, or even be the connection you need to landing your dream job.

Be Nice: Starting a positive relationship with your neighbor can be as easy as being nice. Smile and say “hi” in the hallway instead of scrolling down your Facebook feed, or hold the door open as they walk into the building. These small gestures are often enough to get the conversation rolling.

Pay Them a Compliment: Even if your neighbor has the ugliest dog you’ve ever laid eyes on, toss them a compliment like “Oh, you have such an adorable pup!” It’s hard not to like someone who just complimented you and your taste in animals, so it’s a great way to start off a friendly relationship.

Host a Small Party: Once you move into your new apartment, invite a few friends over for a cocktail party and get your neighbors in on the fun. You can toss an invitation in their mailbox, but it’s probably better to hand-deliver it. If I got a party invitation from my neighbor, I’d probably assume it was a mistake. Hosting a party allows you to mingle with buddies while you get to know the new people in your apartment complex. It’s a fun way to go about meeting friends.

Don’t Start by Asking for Sugar: The first interaction with your neighbor shouldn’t be you asking for a favor. They may start to associate you with only wanting to borrow things, like a can opener, a cup of sugar or a few eggs. And you don’t want to be that neighbor.

Hang Out in Common Spaces: Some apartment complexes have common areas, like a game room, gym or outdoor space. Start spending time in these areas and you’ll start to see familiar faces. If you both frequent the gym, that’s already one thing you have in common!

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