The great Salt Lake City (SLC) has a quirky history that has drawn in crowds of diverse people. Here’s what all of us natives know to be true.
Truths that everyone from SLC will agree on
1. We really do have the greatest snow on Earth.
2. The inversion is real and it ruins lives. It’s like another allergy season, only worse because the air smells weird and you can see the pollution you’re breathing in.
3. Even though you can float in the Great Salt Lake, why would you want to? It’s full of disgusting brine shrimp and the water burns your eyes. And it stinks.
4. Temple Square lights are a must at Christmas.
5. Yes, there’s a high concentration of Mormons. No, they aren’t polygamists. Yes, they make lots of green jello.
6. John Stockton and Karl Malone are the greatest basketball players to walk the earth, which makes the Utah Jazz the greatest team to exist.
7. Snow stops nothing. If there’s two feet of snow, school might be delayed for a couple of hours – but only if you’re lucky.
8. Everyone knows the right way to say “Tooele,” but no one can say “mountain” correctly.
9. Avoid Temple Square and the surrounding areas like the plague during the first weekends in April and October unless you want to be run over by mobs of Mormons at General Conference.
10. No matter how many times your parents tell you it’s dangerous to “shoot the tube,” you’ll still do it. It’s a rite of passage.
11. Fry sauce is the only condiment you need.
12. You don’t “skip” or “ditch” class, you “sluff.”
13. The only rivalry that really matters is BYU vs. U of U.
14. Seasons? What are those? It’s highly possible that you’ll get some snow in May, or you’ll wake up to 3 inches of snow on the ground but have blue skies and 50 degree temperatures by noon. It’s bipolar weather.
15. Pioneer Day (July 24), known to some as “pie-and-beer” day, is basically another version of the Fourth of July. Parades, fireworks, the whole nine yards.
16. Other states have “construction season,” and we just have construction that lasts all year long.
17. Half of all radio stations in the Salt Lake valley play Motab music.
18. Speaking of which, whether or not you’re Mormon, you know that Motab stands for “Mormon Tabernacle Choir.” It recently had a name change and is now just called the “Tabernacle Choir,” but we all know the nickname “Motab” isn’t changing any time soon.
19. If you didn’t get your picture taken in front of the Cents of Style wall, did you even go to Salt Lake?
20. If you want to gamble, you’ll need to take a drive and visit Wendover on the Utah/Nevada border. You won’t find a (legal) establishment for gambling in the state of Utah.
21. The grid system is the greatest, most holy form of city street planning that we all take for granted immediately after entering a city that doesn’t use it.
How’d we do?
Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments!